Parish People - John Underwood

Today's enews is a guest post from Elliot Lee, who has been interviewing various people in our community at COTC. Below is a conversation regarding singleness and contentedness that Elliot had with John Underwood. John has been a member at COTC for a couple of years and faithfully serves on the setup/teardown team; he's a wonderful part of our life together. The text below has been edited for clarity. 

This Sunday we are excited to host Father Jerry Kramer and his wife, Stacie, of Love for the Least. Following the service they'll be sharing during a Lunch and Learn, you can sign up below. 

E: Hey John, thanks for being so open to talking about the issue of singleness with me.

J: No problem, Elliot.

E: Starting out, why don’t we introduce ourselves? I am 34, single, and going 7 years without having dated anyone. Yeah, I am that guy...

 J: I am about to turn 40, single as well. I dated some, but not prolifically. Marriage is something I’ve always wanted but for one reason or another, it never worked out.

E: How content or discontent are you in your current singleness?

J: By God’s grace, I’ve definitely become more and more content with being single for the past 5-6 years. Then a couple of years ago I found myself thinking, “I am really okay with being single. So where’s the relationship now?” Haha.

E: Yeah, there seems to be layers to being open-handed before God. For me, I am pretty much okay with living alone but not so much with dying alone. Maybe we should live together in the future. Support each other?

J: So me, my wife, my kids, and you? :D For now, I want to be faithful to my own lot. Most of the time I would say I am fairly content being single but there are definitely times of loneliness and struggle, but I am trying my best to glorify God. Being single doesn’t mean that I lack something, but sometimes I feel this way and sometimes I don’t.It’s a struggle.

E: I resented my lot for the longest time. There was a time when everything seemed like duty and work, and I had nothing left. I was torn: I wanted to give myself wholly over to God, but I did not know that God’s commands are truly good.

For instance, we can readily see why we should love our neighbor. But why loneliness? Why chastity? It’s so hard to spell that out in our culture, our society.

J: I assume we both hold to Christian moral norms. For me, I can understand the value in the commands but acknowledge my heart is not always in line. There is a disconnect in the “ought to” and “want to” of following God’s commands in the place where we are. [But] God has been working in my life. I want nothing to take away the presence of God I now enjoy in my life. I understand David in saying, “See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,” or “Create in me a clean heart,” or “Better is one day in your house than a thousand elsewhere.” That dude wore his heart on his sleeve. 

E: He is my hero. 

J: Mine too. Peace to you Elliot. I am so encouraged.